Relationships, as Told by Memes

Author: Mary Grace Donaldson, The Dating Game

Millennials, it’s important to be happy in your relationships. To love each other, to accept each other, to agree to disagree, and to make compromises for one another.

But, there are always some aspects to any relationship that everyone who is or who has ever been in a relationship can relate to — so relatable that they’re funny.

When you finally get totally comfortable with each other

And you know that you’ll never be judged for anything, no matter how weird you are,
how ugly you look in the morning, or how gross your bodily functions can be.

When you know what will always stop a stupid argument

Reacting in the heat of the moment will do nothing. Screaming at each other will do nothing.
But, kissing, that makes both things stop happening, and is much more fun, too!

When you can’t wait to brag about your person

Sure, you’re a little nervous, which is completely normal.
But you’re only nervous because you want your friends to think
your S.O. is as awesome you think he or she is.

When yes, something is definitely wrong

And you may have to play a little 20 questions to try and find out the real reason for that face.
But, by this point, you know that face, you know what it means, and you know how to go about handling it.

When you’re not sure about PDA in front of family

No matter how long you’ve been together, there usually tends to be an element of
“omg not in front of your parents!”

When you decide to move in together

One of the truest testaments of a relationship — surviving Ikea together.
Moments like this make you realize just what different people you are.
But, this is what makes you love and respect each other even more.

When you’re in a long distance relationship and are tired of pretending
that there’s anything good about long distance

You can’t go out to dinner. You can’t spend all night Netflixing. You can’t see your significant other
whenever you want. Where’s the good in any of this? Unless you’re one of the few that below
that distance makes the heart grow fonder, there’s nothing at all good.

When this is all you want to do all day

Because you’re so comfortable with each other that there’s really no place you’d rather be.
There’s no need to go out clubbing or bars anymore. Why do that when
you can snuggle (and more) in bed all day?

And finally…

The basis of any strong relationship.

It’s Harder to Leave Than it is to Stay

Author: Danny Abriano, Real Life Stories

Before getting into the crux of this discussion about life and relationships, it first needs to be noted that I’m divorced.

This shouldn’t come with a stigma or raised eyebrows, but it sometimes does. Why? Because for most people who are in long-term relationships that are going wrong, it’s easier to stay than it is to leave. Leaving is better.

I’ve had a woman I was talking to stop answering me, and never answer again, after I told her I was divorced. That sucked. But, it’s better than being in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy.

And for most people, the process that is separation or divorce or moving out, combined with the fear of being alone for whatever period of time that transition lasts, is somehow preferred over starting anew. Starting anew is better.

The details of why I’m divorced really don’t matter. I have no ill will toward my ex, and she has none toward me. But we weren’t right for one another. And while I perhaps knew that before getting engaged, it took time to muster up the courage to leave the situation. Four years to be exact, one of which was absolutely brutal.

And in a long and winding way, that brings me to the main point, about long-term relationships — marriage included — in general.

I can literally count on one hand the amount of people in relationships I know who I believe are truly happy. And I haven’t drawn those conclusions anecdotally. I’ve drawn them from things I know to be true and posts on social media that portray two happy people, while I know one of them is dying internally.

Perfection, in relationships or elsewhere in life, isn’t possible. But happiness? That shouldn’t just be possible. It should be a requirement when you’re in a relationship with someone, let alone a marriage. And not sporadic happiness, either.

Yes, there will be fights. If you’re in a relationship and don’t fight, either one person is being dominated by the other and afraid to react, or both people are so boring that there are never any disagreements. Disagreements, within reason, are fine.

What’s not fine? Being with someone who you can very easily live without. Being with someone who doesn’t make you smile and laugh. Being with someone who doesn’t challenge you intellectually. Being with someone who you can’t wait to get away from.

And, there are far too many relationships/marriages like the above, as evidenced by the number of truly happy relationships I can count.

One such relationship involves people much older than millennials — a couple who are both around 70 years old. They realized after having kids that they should get divorced, but didn’t. Why? For the kids. They stayed in an unhappy, loveless, sexless marriage for their children, who were then raised in a house where their parents fought every day and showed no love toward one another.

The lesson?

While it can be incredibly hard and scary to leave a situation and start over, there is simply nothing worse than potentially wasting your life with someone you don’t belong with. And the sooner you get out, the sooner you can find the person you should be with. The person who will actually make you happy.

I’ve Never Dated Before, and Here is My Admission

Author: Emmanuel Pepis, The Dating Game

I’m about to admit something that may or may not be surprising: I’ve never been on an actual date in my adult life.

I can sit here and fill the page with stories of failed dating attempts in my past, but I won’t travel down that road. Sure, there are girls I’ve really liked. Sure, I’ve tried to set up something. Every time, though, either plans fell through or something seemingly out of the ordinary happened.

Because of this, for the last few years, I haven’t even tried to ask a girl out at all.

I don’t want to make it sound like I absolutely need to have a relationship to make me feel complete. You don’t. But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t suck to be lonely sometimes. To not have someone to share your heart with and to not have companionship is not a fun feeling.

It can also bring good old-fashioned doubt into your mind. I’ve questioned myself, my personality, if I’m doing something wrong. I’ve blamed myself for far too long, and that’s a big reason I’m making this admission and writing to anybody who may be feeling the same way I am.

Trust me on this, though — continue to be the best version of yourself you can be. Continue to put yourself out there and let others see who you really are.

You’ll get frustrated. There will be moments where things won’t work out when you want them to. That’s okay. Don’t blame yourself when someone turns you down or when someone cancels on a date in the eleventh hour. I know the last sentence is easier said than done and dating can make the heart fragile.

I’ve put myself through that in the past. I have doubted my own personality when I shouldn’t. And learning from all this (admittedly the hard way) has put me in a better place now. Sure, I still have days when those negative thoughts creep in but for the most part, I can deal with it better now.

This may sound cliché, but love sometimes happens when and where we least expect it. Though it may be easy to get frustrated, continue to live your life each day. Continue to strive for your goals while keeping your eyes open. These are things I have had to repeat to myself and things that some great friends have helped me out with over time.

Not everyone desires to find a partner and I fully understand. And if you’ve never been on a date, either, that’s truly okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. There’s nothing wrong with you. And you’re not the only one. However, I will say to all of you, that you deserve true love. Don’t settle for anything less.

We all deserve to look at ourselves in the best light possible and appreciate the little things that make us who we are. And it’s those things that will lead to the right person coming into your life: whether that’s tomorrow, next week, next year, or five years from now.

What I Learned After I Changed Myself for a Guy

Author: Mary Grace Donaldson, The Dating Game

If I’d had the benefit of hindsight at 16 years old, I never would have tried to change to become more of who he wanted.

You know the type of person I’m talking about, too. The person you thought you could never live without. The one who was your whole world. The first person who you thought of as soon as you woke up. The person you saw behind your eyelids as you fell asleep.

It’s possible you were together, and it’s possible you thought that you were, and it’s possible that you weren’t at all, and you knew it. But that didn’t matter. Not then. Even if you weren’t “official,” you wanted to be. Even if that happened five years down the road, you’d wait.

Of course, none of us have the benefit of hindsight before a situation eventually terminates… or, when the person you love turns out not to love you at all. When you face the harsh reality that the years of waiting and wanting and pining was all a lie.

All of the clothes that you bought to “make him like you” were for nothing. All of the time you spent educating yourself on his favorite things was time wasted. The crash diet was stupid, the way you cut your hair just wasn’t “you,” and you even managed to alienate some of your friends who, rightfully so, were tired of the whole act.

What’s important following any of those situations is that you learn from it, and learn not to do it again. You understand your mistakes. And you figure out some… “stuff.”

You learn that if you were truly his whole world, he’d never want you to change
“You should wear that sweater more often.”

“I don’t like your hair that color, why would you dye it that way?”

“What were you doing talking to so-and-so?”

You get the picture, right? If he loves you, he’ll accept you for who you are, not who he wants you to be. He won’t care what type of sweater you’re wearing, or judge the style of your hair. He’ll love you, and all of you.

You learn to love your own sense of style
You celebrate the moment that you can toss those neon floral skirts that were great in theory, but just so awful in practice. You trade them in for the studded jean shorts you love so dearly and finally, finally feel comfortable in your own skin again.

You’re on high alert for the same types of people
You know the signs. You know the warnings. And you’ll listen to them this time, you won’t just shrug them off. You’ll never make the same mistake twice, because you’re done being anyone but yourself.

You rediscover your personality, and your true interests
No, you really don’t like eating lunch at that fancy restaurant. You had no interest in watching him play golf with his fancy friends. And probably most importantly, you realized that you were letting your voice become quiet, because of him. You ignored your own beliefs, because they weren’t his beliefs. You ignored the things you truly enjoyed, the music you loved, the subjects you loved talking about, to focus on the things he enjoyed. You tended not to share your opinions, because you knew he wouldn’t like them or just make fun of them. And you even ignored the friends he didn’t like.

You finally understand that no one is worth changing for
You’re the only you in the world. And you know what? No one can — or should try to — take that away from you. The right person, who will love you for you, is worth waiting for. And don’t settle for anything less.

When You Have to Be the Bigger Person

Adulting, Author: Mary Grace Donaldson

We’ve all been there. When you’ve been angry at someone for an extended period of time. When you’ve been hurt and not able to face the person who hurt you. When you can’t stop being angry and sad, and you’ve presumably stopped speaking to the person in question — romantic interest or through a friendship — to protect your own heart.

But then one day, you get the news that something awful is happening in that person’s life. Maybe it’s illness — their own, or a family member’s. Maybe they’re dealing with a death in their family. Maybe they just got laid off. Maybe they’re going through a breakup or a divorce. But whatever it is, you realize that you haven’t stopped caring for the person.

And it’s time for you to pull yourself together, swallow your pride, and reach out — in spite of your anger and your hurt.

It’s not going to be easy
You may feel scared. Anxious. Nervous. Any number of words for it. If you’re anything like me, you hate the feeling of having to swallow your pride and ignore your own stubborn instinct. But you know that it’s something you have to do, and that if roles were reversed, you’d expect said person to do this for you.

Try not to overthink it
Listen to your gut — as the saying goes, “that bitch knows what’s up.” Don’t waste time thinking too much about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it.

Just do it
Don’t wait until you’re ready, because you’re never going to be. You have to just go for it.

Don’t bring up what made you angry or sad
This one may seem like a no-brainer, but… remember: this isn’t about you. If there’s a reason down the road to discuss what happened before, take the opportunity. But, that opportunity is not now. This is about them, not you.

Recognize that you’re doing the right thing
The right thing isn’t always easy. Heck, knowing what the right thing is isn’t always easy, forget about actually carrying it out. But once you’ve done the right thing, chances are you’ll feel it in your body. You’ll feel a sense of calming.

Don’t get your hopes up
While you may reconcile with the person in question following your reaching out and in fact doing the right thing, it’s possible that you won’t. And that’s okay. You didn’t reach out at this moment to reconcile. You reached out to be there for someone who’s going through a hard time.

No matter what the outcome is, you will be set apart from many of your peers just by being the bigger person. And that’s something that, at the end of the day, you can be proud of.