Sometimes, You Need a Break From Dating Apps

Author: Michelle Ioannou, The Dating Game

The title of this is so 21st century, right?

But, it’s true. Sometimes, you need to delete those dating apps right off of your phone. Not forever, but for a little while. Give yourself a little break. Stop worrying about needing to respond to someone in 24 hours, or accidentally swiping left on what could’ve been the love of your life. Stepping away from dating apps for a short, but extended period of time, can be beneficial. And, it can help you feel a bit better about the thought of dating.

But, when is it the right time to delete these apps? Well, don’t just do it for the heck of it. Or because you’re annoyed someone hasn’t responded back immediately. Do it because you need to.

You’ve become cynical
How many of us have gone months and months of swiping, for pretty much nothing? Sure, you’ll talk to someone here and there, but it doesn’t go anywhere. You may have even been asked for your number, and have started texting… but then, nothing progressed there either. It’s so easy to get discouraged if this continues to happen. Taking some time off from swiping right before you get lost into a “why doesn’t anyone want to take this to the next step” situation could definitely be beneficial.

You’re just not into it right now
No, regardless of the pressure you may feel from your family members, you do not have to be putting yourself out there all of the time. You’re allowed to take a break from “the hunt,” and that includes taking a break from dating apps as well. If you’re just not into it, you’re likely to be indifferent anyway, which could mean swiping left a bit more than you normally would. Delete the apps for a little, until you feel like you’re ready to get back into the dating game.

It feels like a chore
Going on dating apps feels more like an obligation rather than something you want to do? “OMG if I don’t spend a half hour every day on Tinder/Coffee Meets Bagel/Bumble/etc. how am I supposed to find someone?” No, you cannot think like that, and you shouldn’t. Dating apps are not supposed to be a chore; they’re there to help you find someone — on your own terms, when you want to. If it does feel like an obligation, you’re likely to be pessimistic about the entire experience, and not opening your eyes (and your heart) like you should.

You feel like all you do is swipe left
There has to be at least some people you’re kind of sorta maybe interested in. There is no reason to solely swipe left, or swipe left 90% of the time or more. If this is happening, something else is going on — and that very well could be that you’re just not into it right now, or it’s feeling like a chore. Going on and swiping left to everyone truly is not going to do you any good, but a break from dating apps will.

It has taken over your life
Like all things, you can (unfortunately) become addicted to dating apps. No! This is not something we should become addicted to! No addiction is good, and one to a dating app likely wouldn’t be beneficial. If you find yourself needing to check Coffee Meets Bagel at exactly noon every day, or if you find yourself obsessing over why that really attractive person you matched with has not responded to your message, take a step back. Nip the obsession in the butt before it gets any worse.

Dating Advice as Told by Parks and Recreation

Author: Mary Grace Donaldson, The Dating Game

Many millennials love Parks and Recreation (or, Parks and Rec, as it’s often referred to). Leslie Knope is a fan favorite character, but there are a number of secondary characters on the series who are relatable, for millennials and for truly anyone who has worked in an office. With a relatable sitcom inevitably comes relationships, and in turn, dating advice.

Without further ado, here’s a bit of relationship and dating advice, as told by Parks and Rec.

First of all, don’t camp out in a tent outside your ex’s home.

Or…live in a dirt-filled pit when you’ve been kicked out of the once happy home you shared with your significant other.
Basically, don’t turn into turn into someone who sings Every Breath You Take on a regular basis.
When it’s time to go, it’s time to get out, move on and pull yourself together, even if it takes a while.

Don’t forget to celebrate Galentine’s Day.

While dating is important, your friends are equally if not more important. Keep them close. Remember that you can always lift each other up when you’re down, that it’s okay to be single and to never settle. And even if you don’t have a significant other to spend Valentine’s Day with, you can always spend it with your friends.

Be with someone who you can say “I love you and I like you” to.

Because love and hate are often far too close for comfort.
That, and it helps if you actually get along and are compatible with your significant other.

Don’t invite your ex along to be the third wheel on a date, or… allow said ex to invite himself (or herself).

A lot could happen that you may not expect to happen…

Be with someone you don’t have to be an adult with.

Hold your wedding in your living room if that’s what floats your boat (with the groom wearing his favorite football jersey).
Go to Bed Bath & Beyond and purchase all of the utterly useless As Seen on TV items that you can together.
Embrace your inner child together. Know that it’s okay to be you.

Encourage your significant other to pursue his or her dreams.

Even if that dream involves working on a political campaign in Washington, D.C. for six months, miles away from you.
If it’s truly love, you’ll figure it out.

If someone feels like he or she was the one, don’t avoid that person for the rest of your life.

You never know…you could end up running into each other, falling back in love, and setting off on an unparalleled adventure quest.

Why First Dates Suck

Author: Kerrin Frappier, The Dating Game

Sure, meeting new people can be exciting, but let’s face it: any way you slice it, first dates suck! It doesn’t matter whether you’re set up by mutual friends, if you met online, at a bar or you’ve known each other for years. The only thing that makes a first dates bearable is the possibility that maybe your fancy dinner or casual coffee shop jaunt could lead to a relationship.

Truly, the worst part of any first date is the constant stream of questions that tend to invade our minds when we are readying ourselves to spend time with someone in a romantic setting for the first time. Questions like…

What will you wear?
Is there anything worse than being fashionably-unprepared? In my opinion there are few things more nerve-wracking than selecting an outfit for a date. After all, you want to match your outfit to the activity you will be participating in, but you don’t want to be more or less “gussied-up” than your date. Then there’s the unpredictable weather, and air conditioning or heat to contend with.

What will you do?
Ask any of my friends and they will tell you I am nearly incapable of deciding which restaurant to go to on a Friday night. I don’t even like deciding what kind of food the group should eat! Add a romantic component with a relative stranger and I feel completely unequipped to pick a place to chow down. Food preferences and allergies also have to be considered…most people do not find an emergency room to be a good setting for a date.

But what if you don’t want to eat a meal? The importance of deciding on an activity cannot be understated and will force you to contemplate whether you or your date are adventurous – or, if you would be comfortable going to someone’s house, or inviting the person over to your place for a first date. Will a movie or concert provide you with enough time to talk and get to know one another? You then have to account or how far each of you would be willing to travel, or how much money you would be willing to spend on one date.

How will you get there?
Will you be meeting each other at your venue of choice or should one of you pick the other up? Should the person who did the asking volunteer their gas, cab money or bus fare, or should the person who accepted the invitation do so as a “thank you” or to simply be fair? Should one member of the party offer repayment at the end of the date? Is such an offer contingent upon the date going well?

Who is responsible for paying?
Not only do you have decide what form of payment you should bring on a date, you have to decide who will be footing the bill for the date. Is it possible to split the cost between you and your date? Should the person who asked the other on the outing be expected to pay? Should the other person expect to pay? How many times is it appropriate to offer to pay before you can decline and let the other person provide payment? Is it considered sexist or merely traditional for a man to pay for a woman he has asked on a date?

Should you continue dating?
By the end of the date, both people involved should have an idea of how terrible or awesome the engagement (Relax! It’s just a synonym!). Who should bring up the topic of a second date? Most people will tell you there is a set number of hours or days (depending on whom you take your dating advice from) one must wait before arranging a second date. Unfortunately, this means striking an almost impossible balance between over-eager and standoffish. But who contacts whom? Should the person who originally did the asking continue the trend? Or should the person who agreed to the first date take the reigns for the second date?

If you are not interested in pursuing further dates, who is responsible for breaking the (potentially) bad news? What is the right way to tell someone you would like to move on to? How do you “let someone down easy?” If one or both parties decide the night was a bust, does this change the issue of payment/repayment?

Clearly, I don’t have many answers to questions about first dates. But I know dating is supposed to be fun! It’s a chance to hopefully move outside your comfort zone and discover the things you value and appreciate in a future life partner.

The important thing to remember is this: you never have to compromise, and there really is someone out there for everyone. First dates may suck, but eventually there will be a last first date…now that’s something to look forward to.

It’s Okay to Be Single

Author: Michelle Ioannou, The Dating Game

There, I said it, it’s okay to be single.

As a single 25-year-old — scratch that — as a single 25-year-old from a very stereotypical Greek family, I get the pressure of being single. My two childhood friends are both engaged and/or married. My little cousin, well a month younger than I am, is engaged. My grandmother just the other day had a talk with me about how by the time I get married — if I get married — she won’t be here anymore.

Yes, I get the pressure. But I promise you, it’s okay to be single.

Why is it okay to be single? It shows you’re not settling for less than you deserve. No one should. No one should ever feel pressured into a relationship for the sole reason that people are on their case to get married. That’s just a recipe for disaster (in most cases, anyway).

If you’re single, it’s most likely because you haven’t met your person yet. That one person who completes you. Who treats you how you deserve to be treated. That one person you’re excited to spend the rest of your life with. And, assuming you want kids, the one person you want to raise children with.

Don’t settle. Especially don’t settle because you feel pressure to get married.

It’s okay to be single.

Why is it okay to be single? Because you’re pretty awesome on your own. You don’t need a man or a woman to define you. You control your own happiness — cliche, but true.

If you’re single, you can do what you want to do, when you want to do it, without having to think about anyone else. If you want to go on that vacation, go for it. If you want to go on a shopping spree, spend the money (assuming you’re being financially savvy, of course). If you want to put all of your energy into growing into your career, you can.

Now, I’m not saying you can’t do any of these things with a significant other — please don’t get me wrong. It just tends to be a lot easier to do when you don’t have to think about anyone else’s feelings or thoughts.

It’s okay to be single.

Why is it okay to be single? Times have changed. Women aren’t going to college anymore solely for their MRS degrees. No longer must a man and a woman wed in their early 20s and start a family. No longer are women solely being housewives or needing to have all of their children by the age of 30.

Marriage isn’t as expected as it once was. In fact, the marriage rate continues to decline in the United States.

It’s okay to be single. Live your life. Be happy. Have fun. And don’t let anyone pressure you otherwise.

Yada, Yada, Yada: Dating Advice as Told by Seinfeld

Author: Alli Jean, The Dating Game

If your family was anything like mine, there was one TV show in the 1990s that stood apart from the stale family dramas and programs depicting unrealistic expectations of adult friendship. I am of course talking about Seinfeld, the “show about nothing” that quickly became a water cooler gold mine, and a pillar of pop culture after first airing in 1989.

One over-arching theme of the series was the constant missteps and amusing tribulations of the dating lives of the four New Yorkers we all came to love: Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer. Far from romantic, Seinfeld was more of a lesson in what not to do than a guide to pursuing a successful and meaningful relationship. From the vault, here are a few lessons learned:

The “will they, won’t they, why do we care?”

One of the first sitcom stereotypes broken by Seinfeld was how the show’s writers dealt with the constant pressure from fans to push Jerry and Elaine into a romantic relationship. At the beginning of the series, it was explained that the pair had previously dated, but they were now just good friends.

However, by the end of Season 2, network executives and fans were anxious to see the witty banter and playfulness between the two culminate in romance. Jerry and Elaine discreetly consider the idea, while insisting that their friendship is very important and that nothing should change that. They simply want to take “this” (their friendship) and add “that” (sex); essentially asking if friends with benefits can work long-term. And in order to do so and maintain their friendship, they develop a set of rules, including no phone calls the next day, and that spending the night after having sex is optional.

While George is initially very impressed, he predicts that Jerry will get greedy and that there’s no way this arrangement will last. In a rare moment, George is right and after the rules fail them, Elaine proclaims that she wants “this,” “that” and “the other” (romance). Although they initially break up after the rules fail them, by the end of the episode Jerry and Elaine are together in every sense and at least temporarily seem to have “this, that and the other.” However, they are so nauseating about it that Kramer proclaims “you know, I liked you two a lot better when you weren’t a couple.” Apparently the fans and critics agreed because by the start of Season 3, there was no more mention of them dating.

Lesson learned: men and women can have a platonic friendship.

The Setups

Setups occur multiple times on Seinfeld, always with hilariously disastrous results. Perhaps the most well-known instance of a setup occurs when Jerry and Elaine are discussing the fact that they each have a friend (George, and Elaine’s friend Cynthia) who has nearly given up on dating altogether – and Jerry and Elaine set them up.

Both George and Cynthia are hesitant at first, and when the idea is proposed to each of them, George is primarily concerned about the looks of his potential date (does her cheek have a pinkish hue, a must have), her personality, and finally, what she does for work. Cynthia however, immediately asks what George does for work and is disheartened to discover he is unemployed.

Despite initial chemistry between the two, Cynthia is…late (due to George using a defective condom given to him by Kramer), thus ending their courtship. George is set up again shortly after he begins wearing a toupee and therefore feeling more confident. He is ironically horrified to discover he is set up with a bald woman.

Jerry also sets Elaine up with one of his good friends, Phil Tuttola – who Jerry claims he respects more than most of his other friends, and could actually see Elaine dating. The two have a great first date, but as Elaine conveys to Jerry the next day, Phil “took it out” and thus ended her interest swiftly. Jerry is horrified and Elaine sarcastically inquires “got any other friends you want to set me up with?”

If these stories tell us anything, it is that often times, despite your good intentions, setting up friends does not always work out for the best – for anyone involved.

Other Random Observations

Be aware of your dancing ability. If your moves are similar to “the little kicks and the thumbs” Elaine is so famous for, have a little self-awareness of how you’re coming across.
Try to split costs evenly. No one person should have to pay for everything, yet don’t be cheap. Don’t skimp on things like wedding invitations. We all know how that turned out (RIP Susan Ross).
Breaking up is difficult. You either have to go all-in and end a relationship like ripping off a band aid, or like trying to push over a coke machine, rock it back and forth a few times.
Honesty is always best. Whether it be about your occupation, how bald you are, your living situation, whether you accidentally dropped your partner’s toothbrush in the toilet, yada, yada, yada.

These ere just a few of the takeaways from the disastrous love lives of our favorite New York comedian and his three closest friends. While they might not be the best role models in terms of striving for healthy relationships, their trials and tribulations are certainly relatable nearly 30 years later.