I sometimes wonder how anybody my age can actually feel like they have their lives together.
I’m at an age where it seems like a good 75% of my friends are married and having babies. Last year, I went to four weddings, six the year before, and that’s not to mention all the baby showers that have also taken place. My weekends have consisted of going to bridal and baby showers, but yet I feel like I am nowhere near that phase in my life.
I have to admit, as much as I feel happy for my friends on finding the loves of their lives or making me an “auntie” again, it can sometimes be extremely tough. Like, enter into a depression and want to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s tough, or drink a bottle of wine to myself tough. For a long time, I would think to myself, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I find what they have? Why in the world is this hangover so much worse than the one I had last weekend? Why don’t I feel like I have my life together when everyone around me does?”
And dating while said things are going on around you? In the world of Tinder, ghosting and the inevitable heartbreak, it’s easy to feel like things will never work out for you. You go on another terrible blind date, while your friend gets engaged. Hello, Bottle of Wine. Nice to see you again.
However, here’s what I’ve come to realize: I have no control, but also all the control over my life right now.
You might be thinking to yourself, “Jeez, Nicole, are you sure you haven’t been drinking too many of those said bottles of wine before writing this? How does that make sense?” Let me explain.
There are certain things in life that you do not have control over. You don’t know when you’re going to meet the love of your life or how you’re going to meet them, but you pray that you eventually do. You don’t know when you’ll have kids, but you pick out baby names you like nonetheless. You never know what unexpected things might come up in your life that give your life plans an unexpected twist, but you deal with them as they come.
The great thing is, that no matter how much you feel like you can’t control, there are some things that you can control. You can control how much you put yourself out there, because even though what seems like your billionth date was just a bust, maybe the next one will make it all worth it. You can control things that you do to make yourself happy — like going dancing until 3a.m., getting coffee from your favorite café, vegging on the couch and binge watching Netflix without anyone disturbing you. You can even do things that your married friends with babies can’t do, like picking up and travel to wherever you want to go on a whim, or staying out late without anyone to answer to.
It certainly isn’t easy. I have struggled and have felt lost. But I think ultimately it’s okay to feel like you don’t have your life together, because I’m pretty sure no one ever really feels like they do. Just keep on doing your thang, people. It’s the only thing that we can actually control.